Why I Stopped Dating Underdogs

A blog for the woman who always saw the potential—but finally started choosing herself.

They didn’t lie to me. I lied to myself.

I saw the potential. The promise. The “almost” that could’ve turned into “everything” if they just did the work.”

But they weren’t showing up for themselves. And somehow, I kept showing up for them.

That’s when I realized: I wasn’t in love with them. I was in love with who they could’ve been if they had my heart, my vision, my effort. And that’s not love. That’s projection.

I was addicted to the fixer role. It made me feel needed. Important. Chosen. But at what cost?

Every time I tried to be someone’s “healing place,” I ended up bleeding. Because love isn’t about saving people. It’s about seeing them clearly.

And when I started seeing clearly? I saw how many times I confused empathy with compatibility. How many times I lowered my standards in the name of “understanding.” How many times I poured into someone who never asked to be full.

Journal Prompt: Who did I love for their potential and what did it cost me?

Underdog love sounds romantic. Until you’re the one carrying the emotional weight, financial weight, and spiritual weight of two people.

That’s not a relationship. That’s a rescue mission. Abort!

And I’m not in the business of saving people anymore. Not when it means abandoning myself.

Now? I date people who’ve done the work. Who can hold space and take accountability. Who don’t confuse my softness for permission to stay stuck.

I stopped dating underdogs because I stopped playing the savior. And in doing so I saved myself.

Journal Prompt: Where in my love life am I still choosing “familiar” over “aligned”?

You don’t owe anyone your potential. And you’re not required to babysit someone else’s.

Let them rise. Or let them go.

But you? You get to choose a love that’s not built on almost. You get to be with someone who meets you in the now not maybe someday.

And most importantly? You get to stop being the underdog in your own story.

Ready to break the cycle? Start with the Energy Guide for Dating with Discernment or the [Self-Worth Workbook] and start calling in what truly aligns.

More raw truths + real love talk at DavinaLiving.com